Hello, good evening Good afternoon, wherever you are in the world.
And thank you for joining us this evening, or today. My name is Monica wetland Kilpatrick and I serve as the vice president of organizational and leadership development for the National Benevolent Association of the Christian church Disciples of Christ,
the NBA is the Health and Social Service general Ministry of the Christian church. Our mission is to inspire and connect the people and ministries of the church, and the creation of communities of compassion and care, as well as to advocate for the well
being of all of humanity.
For our history of over 130 years MBA has been called to care for the least of these, and to root out all as a route, all of our initiatives and the value and dignity of human life and serving the world that God still loves to accomplish this mission
more than compassion and empathy. It creates a responsibility to act and creating equity and justice for everyone.
One of the ways we seek to connect people in ministries, is through hosting innovative conversation groups, innovative conversation groups are intentional conversation groups that when appropriate, allow MBA to support emerging needs and ideas from disciples
leaders in a way that allows the NBA to deepen our effectiveness and resourcing the church around emerging Health and Social Service subjects across the life of the church.
These conversation groups meet regularly for 12 months around a forward leaning subject matter that has emerged within the life of the church MBA anticipate some variety of ways that these innovative conversation groups might emerge.
We expect through MBA programs and gatherings like minded individuals will be able to connect and share issues important for addressing.
We regularly receive requests, while on the road as well when we were on the road, about how MBA can support new ideas or relevant issues, some topics might emerge from work with regional and general church ministry partners and or general assembly resolutions.
These conversation groups provide a unique avenue for engaging the church at all levels, an MBA will keep running will keep a running list of recommended conversation topics and interested persons as a tool for determining future innovative conversation
groups. For today's webinar.
We have both an introduction of MBAs first innovative conversation group, namely whole disciples, and their work related to the church's role in response to intimate partner violence, domestic violence.
The group will share more about how they got connected and organized during their presentation.
As we get started, I would like to inform you that this webinar is being recorded and will be available for future viewing on the MBA website at NBA cares.org.
Also, you may follow along via transcript using the otter AI feature.
Click the otter AI con at the top of your screen and select the View transcript option.
A new window will open and the transcript will populate automatically language translation is also available through our API.
So for today's topic.
Introducing whole disciples resources for domestic violence awareness and prevention.
Whole disciples seeks to provide education for the denomination on the prevalence of domestic violence in our communities.
Resolution GA 1928 adopted in 2019 calls on disciples to recognize their role in preventing domestic violence, and to care for those who are suffering from trauma.
Hold disciples offers clergy and laity the tools to provide a compassionate and safe response during this webinar, you will learn more about whole disciples, and why awareness, prevention and trauma informed care are so greatly needed this webinar can
be used as a tool for discussion and a call to action in local communities congregations regions and general church ministries.
At the end of this presentation we will have time for questions. So throughout the webinar. If you have a question that emerges. We welcome you to use the q amp a feature by clicking on the icon at the bottom of your screen to submit any questions, please
include your email address so that if we are unable to get to your question due to time, we can follow up with you directly after the webinars over, and to request technical assistance, you may use the chat feature or the q amp a feature.
Again this webinar is being recorded and will be made available for future viewing on the NBA website in the coming weeks, and it will also be available on untethered one.org.
So there are a number of faces disciples leaders that you see here on your screen, who said yes to the work of whole disciples, all of their names are not will be listed on a, on a slide in just a moment.
But I briefly want to introduce you to those who are speaking today.
Reverend Courtney our mental midwife pastor of the blend church family and Lancaster, California, and also co author of the resolution ga 1928.
And she provides visionary leadership for whole disciples.
Reverend Amy bender for co founder of the laboratory church in Indianapolis, Indiana, and who also co leads cold disciples.
Reverend Dr crystal Walker, Executive Director of greater Dayton Christian connections and founder of pastors against domestic violence and ecumenical ministry that trains pastors, to be courtroom advocates for victims of domestic violence and Yani Davis
peace pastor and peace poet, founder of my supernatural life, a nonprofit organization dedicated to providing holistic communal care for persons living with chronic conditions, and also a participant in the 2021 and be a saint cohort.
Welcome panelists, and I'm going to turn it over to Courtney.
Thank you so much, Monica. I'm wondering if we will start with the slide deck now.
And I will share with you of course again and you can see on my screen My name is Reverend Courtney or mental. When I was in seminary it became clear to me that the ministry that God placed on my heart was around domestic violence.
As I worked on projects and papers centered on this insidious social problem. I found that our denomination was lacking in resources and education around the subversive issue.
During my research, I discovered resolution 8520. The last resolution passed in the Christian church that specifically focused on the role of the church around domestic violence, which was passed in 1986.
I was moved in that moment to revive this necessary conversation.
I'm hoping I think we have a little bit of a technical difficulty wondering about our slides, because I want to introduce revenue von McCloy.
Courtney please go ahead and with the introductions will get the slides up, sorry about that. Perfect, a mutual friend introduced me to Reverend your bond McCoy, a passionate pastor who also had a call on her life to impact the church around abuse education.
After a short conversation we became partners and co authoring resolution ga 1928.
A short time later Yvonne and I birthed our grassroots violence education and awareness mission, now known as whole disciples that operates nationally to promote education and activism, with the short term goal of supporting leaders to construct a broad
community based on abuse specific care, and the long term goal of offering mainstream education for the younger generation, so that they are hyper aware regarding abuse dynamics and can opt out of harmful relationships sooner than later, thereby breaking
harmful cycles of violence.
Reverend Yvonne Howser McCoy's vocation spanned more than 30 years. Can we forward the slide, until we get to your bonds picture and my picture.
There we go. Um, her career spanned more than 30 years, focusing on Holistic Health healing restoration and wholeness for the mind, body, soul and spirit.
Yvonne was a preacher teacher board certified chaplain certified Healing Touch practitioner and certified holistic life healer.
We lost your bond last year to a degenerative lung condition, and we dedicate our work today to her and to survivors everywhere.
Our milestones.
It was not enough to write the resolution and celebrate its adoption.
So often resolutions are written and celebrated for the day and fade into the background of obscurity.
We have been on a journey of bringing a new dimension of wholeness to the denomination that supports, leaving the resolution into the life of the church.
Yvonne and I realized a need for a ministry that offers new insights on the culture of abuse and trauma that offers tools and resources for support and strategies for sensitized response, along with ways to create sanctuary space for conversation and
advocacy that provides avenues of empowerment for survivors.
This has been our trajectory for delivering this awareness to our mainstream that denomination.
You might be asking what is whole doing whole disciples. We're here to empower church leaders with the skills and knowledge to see the unseen and support those dealing with harmful relationship dynamics.
We are currently curating a universal clergy curriculum that we will be available this fall.
Right now you can access my five our self study course, entitled, and silence domestic violence. It is available on the thresholds of the soul platform.
There are CPUs available for the course, a young adult workshop will be available from hold this fall. Currently there are resources to get you started on my website tethered one.org whole is in the process of birthing a new website by the fall of this
year. We are committed to becoming your journey partners and eradicating domestic and intimate partner violence. The resolution asks that this specialized training, be a requirement for clergy standing throughout the denomination.
As my then husband.
And I sought Christian counseling, from a Christian pastor who had a degree in counseling situation came up.
When I explained that my then husband was stalking me electronically, this pastor.
This Christian counselor said to my then husband.
Is there a way you can continue, and not let her know you're doing it.
I was in shock and disbelief.
Because this train counselor this pastor who knew the story of past abuse would ask this question. I had the courage to say, I don't believe this. This is the worst possible advice that I've ever heard this pastor acknowledge my disheartened state and
continued on to say, my then husband and I were all each other had, and he will continue to pray for our marriage to strengthen.
As I pondered on this. I wonder how many pastors are praying for their congregants to remain in abusive marriages.
This might not be you.
But there's way more to responding appropriately to someone in this situation. Then, urging folks to stay together.
Did you know that domestic violence is also a public health crisis, because of the number of people it impacts within the US and around the world.
In 1994, the CDC and the National Institute of Justice conducted a survey that provided the first national data on the incidences and prevalence of intimate partner violence, sexual violence and stopping in the US, in 1994, Congress passed the violence
against women at with authorized coordinated community responses to prevent intimate partner violence and prevent block grants to support women that were survivors are great, and also provide prevention and education.
In 1996, the Research Council established a federally funded task force to address violence against women with the CDC as the leading agency is 2021.
What have we been called to do.
How many believe we're going to pull the audience around a few questions related to the prevalence of violence in our communities.
Well can you assist with this feature.
Please answer yes or no.
First question. How many of you believe that domestic violence is happening and your community.
Thank you.
Next clicks, click yes or no to the following statements if you agree or disagree with them.
Domestic Violence only happens in marginalized communities.
Domestic Violence happens mostly in black indigenous people of color, communities,
domestic violence, mainly happens and non faith unchurched communities,
medical professionals, doctors clergy, military and peace police officers are considered to be the top abusers.
Domestic Violence happens in the established middle or upper class families.
Last question, domestic violence happens everywhere.
We can see the results of the pose.
I don't know that we can see him but let's just look a little closer.
The next slide. Oh, There we go. There it is.
Hundred percent of folks believe that domestic violence is happening in their community.
Domestic Violence only happens in marginalized communities.
Only 6% say yes.
Most folks they know domestic violence happens mostly in five pop communities.
6% agree. Most say no.
Domestic Violence, mainly happens in non faith on church communities.
Only a small amount agree.
Most folks they no medical professional professionals, doctors clergy military peace and police officers are considered to be the top abusers.
Most say yes. And there are a few that same know 33% said no.
Domestic Violence happens in established middle or upper class families. 100% say yes. Domestic Violence happens everywhere, 100% said yes.
Thank you for answering.
We can move on to the next slide.
Based on the statistics.
One of these women
is keeping a secret about living with abuse.
Three women per day, or killed by current or former partners.
987654321.
A woman is beaten every nine seconds at quote Jason Jeremiah's another grassroots social justice advocate when I say it is not their fault.
It is our
next slide, based on the statistics two out of three children are exposed to trauma and violence. Children are likely to embody the traumatic byproducts of witnessing arguments, physical abuse or through their own experience of neglect psychological abuse,
physical abuse or other forms of harm moral injury occurs as a result of witnessing harms that children in these situations are unable to interrupt or stop 30% of abused or neglected children will grow up to abuse their own children.
Children who witnessed abuse will grow up and either become abusers or fall into abusive relationships.
This is one aspect that denotes the perpetual cycle of abuse.
Based on the statistics one in four men live with abuse. Men are often silenced by stigma Shane judgment and overall lack of understanding about violence.
When it comes to abuse, men often do not recognize the signs of domestic violence and intimate partner violence within their relationships and their homes.
Often men are expected to take said abuse and violence without doing anything to defend advocate or remove themselves from these situations.
What would the world look like it's all genders new the signs of abuse and have a deal.
That's the kind of education that would impact the whole world.
Ga 1928 elucidates, whereas the myriad forms of violence are not exclusively physical but include emotional sexual spiritual and financial abuse, as well as manipulation isolation unequal power and control dynamics threats and blame shifting, among other
forms occurring across a ethnic gender and economic lines, among persons with disabilities, and among both heterosexual and same sex couples, based on statistics.
One out of every three teams experiences dating violence in these abusive and manipulative experiences power and control are used, unbeknownst to tease technology is often weaponized against them for power and control.
Technology is often weaponized against them for power and control. Some examples, expecting to keep tabs on partners, expecting swift text replies, or call answers, demanding pass codes and to see photos, demanding loyalty and isolating teams from friends
and family.
So many instances of physical and psychological abuse are occurring and high schools classrooms and homes across America.
The lack of education on healthy relationships is leading teams into the arms of people that don't care. Rather, they want control when some of the signs after mentioned arise team should we reach out to a trusted teacher parent or mentor and spend time
with individuals who will provide secure and safe environments.
And based on the statistics, 15.7% of seniors are subject to abuse.
Senior abuse is complicated and layered as many seniors who experienced abuse are reliant on their abusive caregivers for day to day support, and does may have no recourse to report abuse abuse of seniors can include financial, psychological, physical
and emotional abuse abuse of seniors.
In most cases go unreported, and seniors live in temper daily seniors are in need of community and familial support so abusive caregivers, know that violence will not be tolerated.
As leaders and people who care, it is up to us to report and follow through on incidences of abuse within our communities.
So we've been throwing a lot of different statistics at you, and with all of those different groups in mind, it comes down to every one in three people experience, domestic or intimate partner violence.
Now, as you can see from this graphic. If you have a congregation of 120 people, which is what this graphic has.
That means, 45, people in your congregation have experienced domestic or intimate partner violence.
This is why we need training for our pastors to help them see what is usually unseen.
With this training that we're talking about, pastors will begin to be able to recognize the signs to take steps to support and overcome the stigma that keeps people quiet when they experienced abuse.
And part of the reason why people stay quiet, is because of the shame.
Now I'm going to read the first two excerpts from ga 1928 for you.
Whereas, domestic violence and intimate partner violence are pandemic public health problems which are multi generational cyclical and threaten the fabric of family life in society.
Whereas, domestic violence and intimate partner violence occurs across age, ethnic, gender and socio economic lines education levels among persons with disabilities, and among both heterosexual and same sex couples.
Now, because of this, we as leaders are called to care, because violence has been, and continues to be everywhere.
It affects everyone in some form or another.
The way it has been normalized in our culture stems from the gender and racial roles, we assign and promote on a systemic level, along with the way that we portray violence in every area of our lives from history in school to daily news and entertainment,
and this includes TV, movies, sports, books, magazines, and social media violence against others has become so normalized because we normalize power for certain groups, over other groups, and this power list and powerlessness and objectification is what
happens to those who do not have the power.
Think about it this way, even as a nation, we have nearly always been at war.
This means that to really care about this issue. We must address the root cause, which we say, is denial.
And this stems because our entire culture and our immersion in it supports violence.
So I did just mentioned that the many ways that our culture is violent, along with the power dynamics based on social locations. We need to look at why denial is so acceptable.
It upholds the status quo.
The power dynamics at play in this cannot be ignored or separated.
Denial happens because certain people in certain positions of power benefit from things stay the way that they are domestic and intimate partner violence are acceptable because systems of violence are acceptable.
The larger cultural power disparities and support of them carry the violence down to the very personal level.
People are socialized to hide the effects of abuse in public due to embarrassment, shame, not having a safe space, and because others do not feel comfortable responding abuse is so normalized in our culture that we even watch comedians tell jokes about
it.
And we accept that that is the way it is.
Now, if this doesn't already answer the question, why don't people tell others about their abuse or even worse, why don't they leave.
Well, because our dominant culture denotes that victims are never to be believed, they are ignored and gaslighting to believe that there's nothing unusual about their experience, or even worse, that they caused their experience of harm.
The me to movement created space for those who've experienced sexual abuse.
But there's no such face or a movement for intimate partner violence.
Wise domestic violence the best kept secret.
shame. Stigma silence.
Our work is to dismantle s3 those three S's due to the deep cultural embedded reality of shame and stigma around abuse silence makes domestic and intimate partner violence, the best kept secret.
The CDC deems this insidious violence, a public health crisis, we as Christians have the power and capacity to reduce this violence in our lifetimes. The statistics prove there are people suffering in silence in plain sight in your community.
So many folks are coming out of the shadows to courageously tell their stories, Billy Porter, Fabio D Andre, Princess Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, we as the church and must create more brave spaces for folks to speak up and tell their truths.
I preached a sermon on abuse, which was celebrated. And at the end of service, a woman walked up to me with tear field eyes and said, Thank you.
I was abused by someone in this sanctuary and they just heard your sermon.
This is how we do it. But we must know what to do next.
What we're missing in our churches, folks there is a subversive culture of abuse within our own churches. Think for just a moment, you may be experiencing abuse with the relational dynamics of your members.
There may be a bully amongst you someone who refuses to engage anything new, who may be holding your progress hostage.
You may have people pleasers in your midst to try to keep the peace, and you may have a narcissistic personality type that is manipulative or triangulate, or otherwise causes destructive harm to others.
Often these individuals behaviors are explained with the words. That's just the way they are.
This denial of the truth of harm allows these unhealthy relational contracts to flourish.
Folks, silence is violence. We are so culturally complicit in violence that we never call it what it is.
abuses as subtle as manipulation tactics and making disparaging comments about someone or even progress as a whole, slyly making digs at those proposing progress.
Have you noticed that we rarely teach each other to erect healthy boundaries and inform perpetrators that they're harmful behavior will not be tolerated.
Understanding the abuse dynamics will aid you in many areas of your lives and in your churches.
Now, as we've already mentioned, this domestic violence shows up in all of our church communities. In a recent book called church to how purity culture upholds abuse and how to find healing, author, Emily joy, Allison brings this phenomenon to light primarily
in the evangelical community.
And while many recent scandals have focused on abuse from evangelical pastors, domestic violence and sexual abuse happens in all of our mainline churches, as well.
cultural values of white supremacy toxic masculinity individualism competition, and toxic theology, without true accountability. Remember that denial.
These are deadly to the safety of everyone in our church communities, including clergy.
Because guess what, whether in the role of clergy, or another church leadership position or even a congregant. There are those who abuse, as well as there are those who are abused the cycles between these two roles in a toxic culture is why we must recognize
that the church has to face this problem in a deep and on going way. Otherwise, we will add to the harm, rather than add to the healing teaching and pastoral care in our churches has so often upheld these unhealthy relationship practices.
As we heard from Dr crystals story. And as often advise people to stay in dangerous relationships, when they should have listened deeper, they should have provided information to help a person, find safety and support.
Instead, as a church we teach that every person is a child of God. And as such, we must love and protect each person as though we actually mean that.
So then, if we are explicit about our churches being safer sacred spaces that are equipped to care about the subversive nature of abuse. We can become beacons of hope in a stormy sea
becoming more becoming more communally sensitive to understanding the level of trauma in our society is a crucial step on the part of our churches to become part of the healing, accountability, truth telling teaching healthy theology, including unpacking
the abusive stories, actually told in the biblical texts, as well as teaching and modeling good mental and emotional health practices are all crucial parts of tackling this epidemic in our churches.
In January of 2020, my husband and I founded the laboratory church. It's a trauma informed congregation, and we follow these practices, we name, we teach, and we practice relational values that promote safety and freedom to be vulnerable and authentic,
because each of us has experienced intimate partner violence in our lives. We, as both a pastor and a marriage and family therapist want our community to be part of the healing, as a community, we continuously evaluate and modify our safe space as needed,
so that we can build trust with one another in order to encourage the relational healing piece of trauma recovery.
I suggest that you check out the book by Dr. Judith Herman called trauma and recovery.
This is a process, and it must be centered in loving and curious, rather than judgmental communication practices, and it includes the ability to adjust according to individual needs, while also caring for the health of the entire community.
At the end of the day, practicing, love, and non judgment, as Jesus taught us is the root of being a trauma informed community. And in this, we can help those who have an are experiencing abuse, to find safety, and healing.
I found an educational imbalance.
When I sat for my 40, our domestic violence crisis intervention certification, I was in the room with hairstylists. Here's a little known fact, in some states hair stylists are required to complete domestic violence crisis intervention so to certification
to become licensed, or to renew their licenses.
The bond between stylist and client is often strong.
According to the professional beauty Association, Illinois, Arkansas and California have already passed laws mandating domestic abuse training for cosmetology school students are current salon professionals.
Another 11 states including Florida, Hawaii, Maryland, Massachusetts, New York and Texas have attempted to or are working on passing similar legislation.
The law which went into effect in 2019 impacted more than 84,000 84,000 licensed cosmetologist and institutions in Illinois alone.
Ga 1928 asks, Why not pastors are we as pastors and faith leaders not tasked with setting the captives free.
How are we as a denomination meeting a fraction of the numbers of trained individuals that the professional beauty Association has in the public realm.
I pondered the question why are hairstylist more well trained and our pastors.
Well, seminary does not adequately prepare pastors to respond appropriately to abuse in their context.
We here. Our whole pastors are here to bridge the learning gap, the nuances and dynamics and abusive situations are complex and layered, the question why don't you just leave is highly inappropriate to ask someone who was experiencing abuse, discovering
why and what the proper responses are is crucial to being a safer sacred space for folks, by D stigmatizing abuse we can bring it out of the shadows where it hides and thrives, we can D stigmatize abuse by weaving it into the Christian conversation and
openly offering support and resources.
We as disciples have a call on our lives to heal a fragmented world.
No one is more fragmented than a survivor of abuse.
Ga 1928 was adopted over two years ago in July 2019.
It has been 34 years since the last resolution on domestic violence was passed the church realized this work in this area is insufficient so we decided it was time for more whole disciples.
The opening statement of ga 1928, whereas john 1010 states that Jesus came so that we may have life and have it more abundantly. Something that victims of domestic and intimate partner violence are robbed of due to the abuse experiences, causing exponentially
high rates of depression, despair, fear, and
we disciples must recognize our responsibility to help prevent domestic violence and intimate partner violence in all its expressions.
In order to do that we connect with local agencies for resources, offer multi lingual abuse specific resources, and our church restaurants and on your website, pastors and laity should be trained specifically around proper sensitize abuse specific response.
All expressions of the church, encourage youth camps and ministries, to incorporate healthy relationship, self worth and healthy boundary content with age appropriate relationship, red flag awareness in their programs.
All expressions of the church are encouraged to increase their efforts to shatter shame stigma and silence by preaching and teaching responsibility. On the topic of domestic violence and intimate partner violence, work together to dismantle a cultural
landscape where domestic violence can thrive and high.
Yay 1928 invites you to ask your region to put domestic violence resources for your area on their email emails or letters like action to bring resources workshops and prayer, your community.
aware and engaged and become a safer space to those in your midst.
You can begin your journey of empowered and silencing by visiting tethered one that org backslash resources, the tools you need are all there for you including the way that the the links to churches and regions that have already put the resources on their
websites, so everything is there for you. You can take the five hour self guided online course on silence domestic violence to educate yourself and your lady.
And there is the link, it will be in the chat as well threshold of the soul.org backslash on silence.
And for free sermons, if you don't know what to preach for Domestic Violence Awareness There are over 100 free sermons on domestic violence on this sojourners website so Joe that net backslash sermon backslash series backslash 100 sermons, violence, so
many resources for you.
We must speak up about abuse.
And often, and definitely during the Awareness Month.
The national network to End Domestic Violence offers a plethora of content to support you in your context. If we can get the next slide.
In some states, there are dedicated agencies to support domestic violence education and awareness, they would have free posters pamphlets and sometimes even swag, right, for teen dating violence resources you can google break the cycle.org and love is
respect.org, those are the primary months of Abuse Awareness.
We will now move into our question and answer portion of the webinar and Monica Will you join us and assist us with the segment.
Sure, thank you all for, for all the information that you shared with us and for inspiring us and for calling us back to what we committed to in 2019 as a general minute General Assembly which means as a church committing our selves to being educated
and to resourcing our church around this particular issue.
Verse four point of clarity in the chat someone asked, and to make sure that we're all in the same.
We're working with the same definitions or understandings they asked, What is LGBT q IA and so I just want to say that is an acronym for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender questioning a queer intersex and allies.
So, just so that we're all on the same page and have a have a clear understanding together.
There was also a comment and a bit of a question and I think it's more of a comment but maybe someone from the panel may want to speak to this, that financial mental and emotional abuses, or the unseen abuses.
How is justice served in those cases, when the abuses are internal know if anyone has some reflection on that.
That's a really great question, and often folks that are dealing with the insidious side of abuse, there is no space for them to be heard, to be recognized, or to even receive justice, right.
If there are no physical signs of abuse it is very hard to prove. So the most important thing for individuals in that situation is to find healing and and to create healing spaces for individuals to reclaim themselves, because abuse in that specific genre
tends to erase, right, a person's personality, their sense of empowerment their sense of self worth. And so, creating spaces where people can reclaim that or even to understand right if there are individuals that understand how complex and nuanced that
type of abuses, they can help direct individuals to resources books, different areas of support to help them began to put the pieces back together and possibly make some decisions that might change the trajectory of their lives.
I would also add to that great information that because part of the thing that happens is powerlessness.
It's never our place to tell people what to do if we think that they should leave if we think that they should do X, Y or Z.
If we have a relationship with them, we can have it come in in the course of the conversation, but it always has to be the choice of the person, we always have to empower people to be able to make that choice themselves.
I would like to add as well. You talked about resources wherever important and that is so imperative, as even as we train pastors on how to deal with domestic violence, they need to use the resources in their communities and the community in Dayton, Ohio,
it's the Artemis center or the YWCA where they have trained persons that can help people navigate through the situation that they're living with whether its financial or physical or, or any of the nuances of domestic violence intimate partner violence
there are resources out there, of trying trained people that actually dealt with this every day that we need to farm out and not feel that as pastors we can help everybody through every situation.
That's a very important aspect.
There are resources that we can access on tethered one.org there are list of some of my favorite books that would help, at least the understanding and the beginning stages of how to assist individuals in that.
In May I may add this lastly that.
A lot of times, um, Justice is not served in terms of the internal process that people have to go to. And so I think it's time for us to create communities of accountability and healing, so that justice can be seen, also for those that are survivors of
abuse. So I think that's also one of the ways we want to implement care for people is actually by having the safe spaces safer spaces and communities that they can then go to, and he'll internally.
Great. I'll just you all.
I did create something at my church called a sink t airy and the, the middle of the word is TTA. It is a space that is specifically for individuals that are dealing with difficult issues in the world that they need help processing, and it is replete with
books on domestic and intimate partner violence, it is replete with Kleenex and art supplies and tea and space for folks to cry and feel and I think it's really important for us to create more of those two spaces in the world.
I see David Simmons, put a question in the chat Should we go to that one. Hold on one second, I'm monitoring the chat I want to. There are a few folks that asked for, whether we're going to post the information so yes, I want to say again that we will
post the webinar on the NBA cares. org website and on tethered one.org. Both of those are listed in the chat feature as well as the slide decks. And also, if you scroll if you're looking at chat and you scroll to the very beginning you have the contact
information of our panelists. I want to try and get as many questions as possible.
So not everyone will get their question answered or answer perhaps as fully as you would like. And so you have contact information as well so just wanted to point that out.
So as I'm moving on down our chat.
Yes. So one question was is it possible to provide the correct answers to the poll questions. We didn't go back we kind of read those out but didn't provide the correct answer so we can take a moment and if you have those near us speakers and can just
reread them quickly and address them. That would be great. And then I'll move to David Simmons.
I think Dr crystal is going to take this question.
Okay, I'm the correct answers.
Do you believe domestic violence is happening in your community, it is 100% accurate.
And, question number two domestic violence, only happens in marginalized communities. That is 100% no question number three domestic violence happens mostly in black indigenous people of color, communities that is 100% Nellis well.
Question number four, domestic violence mainly happens and non faith and church communities that is again 100% No.
Question number five medical professionals doctors clergy military and police police officers are considered to be the top abusers that are those are the top four abusers so that is 100% Yes, question number six, domestic violence happens in established
middle or upper class families. Everyone is right that is 100% Yes, and Question number seven domestic violence happens everywhere and that is 100% correct.
Thank you for that I think just posing some clarity, making sure folks walk away with the accurate answers to that so that they can move forward.
So in the chat. There's also a statement and a question domestic abuse is usually framed as an issue that women have to work through in counseling getting out of the house, etc.
What types of interventions target men.
I love that question, because it does seem to be just a female issue. Right. But when I was taking my 40 our domestic violence crisis intervention course.
I was educated around the fact that a lot of shelters, offer resources to men as well there are even shelters that include men. And one of the things that I found out that a lot of people don't know is that individuals can take advantage of resources
from domestic violence shelters, but do not have to be residents. So there's free counseling there is court advocacy There are even programs in some areas where abusers can undergo courses to help them process.
Their abuse behavior. And so there are quite a few resources for men specifically, but they tend to be hidden right under the guise of support for women.
And so I just want to say out there and out loud that men can also receive services from domestic violence shelters and also call in on the hotline.
And we're, of course, providing safer sacred space for anyone who needs support.
Excellent. I think we have time for one or two questions so I'm going to point to a couple of questions. One is Courtney.
What has been the impact of coronavirus of the coronavirus pandemic on the pandemic of abuse I'm going to ask that one more time. What has been the impact of the corona virus pandemic on the pandemic of abuse.
Great question, the mandate to shelter in place along with a catastrophic job loss and the sudden need to homeschool meant that those who lived in abusive homes were now forced into isolation with their abuser with no outlet or respite from them.
Tensions roses financial burdens intensified anxiety and irritation mounted as individuals who usually had some other outlet, such as working or spending time with others, was currently or suddenly shut down.
The Guardian, a news outlet, based in the United Kingdom reported the domestic violence killings more than doubled. During the shelter at home period.
They also reported cause the domestic violence helplines increased by 120%. While traffic to their websites is tripling.
There's an unprecedented demand for refuge places, children to are more vulnerable than they have ever been. Similarly, the Huffington Post reported that US senators were pushing to prioritize or prioritize domestic violence survivors and co but 19 bailout
bills, this push for survivors was a reaction to arise and domestic violence cases. During the pandemic advocates also warned that the actual number of domestic violence cases isn't likely much higher.
Since most victims are unable to report or seek help when they're stuck at home with their abusers.
Thank you. There's so many other things that we could, we could certainly ask but I think I want to close on this question or request actually.
Could you give us some examples of what constitutes safer sacred spaces.
Sure. So part of what has been mentioned multiple times is accountability. We have to have a place where we can refer abusers to get help, we have to have places we can get abuse victims to receive help.
And we have to create a culture where there isn't shame. There isn't judgment, and we have to be compassionate, and an approach people with love and as I mentioned, don't tell people what to do just be available to listen and reinforce that they are not
wrong for coming to you. So, we also have to we have to get rid of the shame, and the stigma and say that even if you are an abuser.
It's not that you're evil person, it's that you have maybe been abused and there's, like I said before, there's so much violence, we need to focus on finding the good in people and practicing the good relationship qualities like trust, telling the truth,
being supportive of people without judgment and doing all of those things on a regular basis, cuz consistency also matters, so you can't be safe one minute.
And then, you know, all of a sudden, like have a moment of judgment I mean you really have to be careful how you talk to people so that they know that you are consistent, you are non judgmental, you are present with them no matter what, even if you don't
have the answers your presence and your compassion is key.
Thank you. I mean I think what you're pointing to is that faith communities, in this case congregations, have an opportunity here right to be safer I really liked that language safer sacred spaces.
And what's required is training and resources and support and we have that.
We obviously have that here, whole disciples which we're so thankful for each one of you and for the rest of the team doing this work committed to this work, and we now that we know better, right, we can do better.
We know better we can do better as a, as faith leaders as faith communities. And as the Christian church Disciples of Christ. In particular, we have a poetic moment by Reverend Yani Davis and so I'm going to turn it over to you.
To conclude this portion of our presentation this evening.
Thank you. Thank you everybody for being in attendance.
I'm so glad we get to go out and share all of this information that we received and continue to do this great great work. Please join us please join us.
And this piece is entitled who we are, who we are.
Where did you last feel seen in a relationship with another caught in a complex web of conflict and discord We are the holy listeners devoted to action and change.
When was the last time your soul was at peace, working towards healing the spaces that had been disrupted within you by a violent society.
We will rise and create sacred space in the midst of the storm.
When was the last time someone heard you cry out in the wilderness.
Navigating obstacles and challenges we were never supposed to shield our body minds and spirits from.
We will rise as the healers storytellers and truth tellers of this generation.
When was the last time someone shielded you from the devastation of the outside world, sinking into the isms and schisms created with hope in mind.
We are the survivors and the creators of sanctuary.
Why has silence become our go to living in an age of fear and loss, we will rise up and lead the people.
Where has saved for a brave space going. President in a reality that strips us about humanity.
We will rise and remember our divinity.
When was the last time your soul is at peace.
working towards healing, everything within.
We will rise and speak peace in the midst of violence.
When was the last time you dedicated your life to making the world a more secure place for the people of the world, healing from the harm we have experienced.
We are rising, we are healed.
And we are home.
Amen.
Thank you ever Yani. Thank you. Reverend Courtney, Reverend Dr crystal Reverend Amy, and again to the whole disciples, whole disciples ministry.
We are blessed by your work and we're honored by your presence here today.
And the chat box there, as I mentioned earlier, there are some relevant links for websites and resources, please.
As I get bring us to a close, feel free to scroll through the chat feature and grab those links and again this will be posted so you'll have access to the to those links in the coming days.
We encourage you to take whatever actions you can and supporting the work against domestic violence and intimate partner violence, and all causes of justice and equity for all.
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We ask that you support. We ask for your support. As we all know it's been a difficult time for all of us on all fronts. Your generous gifts to MBA continue to support and creating communities of compassion care and justice, and opportunities for innovative
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Thank you for your time this evening. This afternoon, wherever you may be.
And please reach out to us and to our panel, and to hold disciples, with any questions or interest or ways, or questions around how you can be involved.
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Bye.